Don't ask me, I'm not a Doctor!

   It will soon be two years since I retired and gave up my license to practice medicine.  Despite the fact that I regularly remind people that I'm not a doctor (vide supra), my illegitimate practice is steadily building up.  Although we used to  pride ourselves on our comprehensive health care service, since we changed it into a health care industry it has been steadily deteriorating.  Even as the technology becomes more miraculous, expensive and often  misused, some of the basics of the healing sciences are now relegated to the scrap-heap.  Much of this is because experience is now disregarded in  an era when everyone's opinion has to be equal, no matter how egregious their ignorance.  In the desire to be politically correct, we have tolerated politicians and administridiots with little health care experience or understanding taking the reins and directing the industry to the disgraceful  place it is in today.  With that rant out of the way let me entertain you with tales of my contemporary, unscientific and unlicensed medical practice in  the past week..
   1.Pt.A  had bowel problems resulting in major surgery.  He spent twenty-one days in hospital recovering from the surgery and on-going complications.  He had some job related problems before the surgery.  He was distraught about the possibility of losing his  job and his future.  Despite the massive social services expenditures we incur, no one had attempted to address these problems at all.   It took some time to unravel this complex situation and explain the options available to  the patient.  He certainly felt somewhat better after that had been partially addressed.
    2.Pt.B.  An early middle-aged man on some potent medications who could no longer get the precise medication preparation that had been working well.  This appears to have been a manufacturing glitch.  Generic brands had a component that caused him problems. We discussed some make-shift solution to try. Fortunately, he contacted another physician in his family who managed to pick up a supply that was still available in pharmacies in another city, that will  last him a couple of months.  The long-term solution remains uncertain.
     3.Pt.C.  A close friend I usually swim with who is  having radiotherapy at present and has to stay out of  the water right  now.  I volunteered to take him for his therapy, so that I could railroad him to the pool hall for a few games of pool.  If it wasn't one pool it would have to be another!  Anyway, he beat me consistently and I figure that was at least as therapeutic as his other treatment.
      4.Pt. D.  A young man who barely managed to make it  to my eightieth birthday party in  Toronto a few weeks ago because of a knee injury.  This young man appeared at my party on a pair of crutches because he had injured his knee at work.  He had reported his injury and was given a few days off.  When he got home the knee was very painful and he went to the Emergency Room.   After a seven hour wait he had his knee x-rayed and  saw the doctor.    He was told he had a bruised knee and sent home.  About 36 hours later he was phoned and told he had a fractured patella (knee-bone).  He is now in a dispute with the Workers Compensation Board who think  he is ready to come off benefits and go back to work.  He disagrees.  I didn't know the answer to  the problem, but I have had enough of a working relationship with the Board to know that if you don't think you have been treated fairly there is an appeal process and I so  advised him.
        5. Pt. E.  Last night, after arriving home from a pub dinner at my local, there was a knock at my door.  I recognized the lady standing on one foot. She is my neighbour of many years.  Although she has numerous significant health problems of her own, she spends a considerable amount of time helping elderly neighbours.   She was cleaning windows for an elderly neighbour when she slipped, twisting her ankle.  After a while, it became painful, swollen and bruised.  Since the pain was getting worse, she decided that she had better consult me.  I looked at the ankle, it was swollen and bruised below and anterior to the lateral  malleolus (look it up!).  However, it passed the Ottawa criteria for absence of  an ankle fracture, so I advised the age old remedy of rest, ice, elevation  and compression. 
   Other issues I have had to deal with recently include retinal hemorrhage  and supraventricular tachycardia.
       If I go back a little further, I can regale you with more of the same.  In the meantime, I just might have to go on strike unless the pay improves!